Friday, 20 April 2012

Today I turned 40

Nothing happen overnight, expect my daughter waking me at 1am but apart from that it’s a nonevent.

I’m 40  & the best thing is I have been blessed with lots of Pandora jewellery and tonight my hubby is taking me shopping for a Macro Jacobs bag.  Which is total amazing and I am starting to feel like a kid in a sweet shop.

Today I have no words, but turning 40 it’s nothing really, you go to sleep and wake up just like every other birthday. Maybe it will hit me tomorrow when there is no gifts to open.

Monday, 16 April 2012

What do you do?

I remember it being the first question people asked you when you went out... 'what do you do'.
What you did for a job was your status in life & how people summed you up.

Now I had a great title and even better pay for most of my working life so it never much bother me that question until I moved to the UK. I went from being well known and working on amazing jobs to finding it really really hard to get work.   So when people ask 'where do you work' after the ‘what do you do’ I found I was lost, embarrassed, I was nobody.

Somewhere some how I had got wrapped up in being the job title I was doing and not just me. In a result of feeling useless & being nobody I got depression, living in a dark basement flat in winter was not helping. My husband did not know what he would find when he walked in the door. Crazy me, ok me or me in bed. Long story short things changed. That was 11 years ago. So why bring it up now.

Having no job title and being labeled a stay at home mum was something I wanted something I knew I would become once we had kids. At 34 I was having a baby so in my mind my working days where over. No work, no more tube, work politics & egos to deal with I will look after my angels have lunch with friends and go to the gym.

 I think when you are wanting to start a family you are so into babies and a new life you don't look forward to see what life will be like once your baby is growing or grown.

Not working means I don't have an income so my long lunch and shopping days are not a reality. I don't often talk with adults that don't have kids unless it’s the post man, I don't travel on public transport so no book reading on the tube, I don't like shopping it’s no fun with kids, I don't wear heels, I don't wear the clothing I used to. No unplanned lunches dates at nice restaurants and no last minute drinks before heading home.

I never missed it before, but I do now.

Sunday, 15 April 2012

40 next week

Well they say life beings at 30, 40, 50 or whatever age you are at 'that' point in life.
I'm at 'that' point in life where I am saying what happen to ME. I once liked this or that but what do I like NOW.

I don't know and that is what this blog is: my public diary of finding ME.  The girl I wanted to be growing up, the girl I once was, the girl I was before marriage, kids and becoming a stay at home mum. The girl I thought I would be at 40 not the girl I am.

So here goes nothing, wort's and all

Reality Bites
Age 39 years & 360 days
Size 11 (yes in between 10 -12)
Weight: a little more then I want to be - started Weight Watches for the 2nd time.
Hair colour, Orange (dyed)